THE NEWLY DISCOVERED GOSPEL OF DEAN OF LATTER DAY SAVIOR
By: Roderick T. Beaman
1. And it came to pass that an angel appeared to Sara and said unto her, "Ye shall conceive a son and ye shall call him, Franklin. And he shall rule over the land and he will bring great joy to the people."
2. And so it was during the dark days of the reign of Herbert, that Franklin became the ruler of the land known as Columbia between the two Great Seas and the darkness was lifted from the land. And his reign lasted twelve years and one month and the people and scribes were joyous. He ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of Karl of Marx.
3. And Franklin begat Harry and the people listenethed, the land stayed in light and the scribes were joyous.
4. And Harry begat Adlai. But the people listenethed not to Aldai and the scribes were saddened. The people listenethed to the false prophet Dwight and the land languished as a darkness descended.
5. And Aldai begat John who begat Lyndon and the people and scribes once more were joyous. And the darkness was lifted from the land.
6. And Lyndon begat Hubert who begat George but the people listenethed not and the scribes were saddened.
7. The people listenethed to the false prophet Richard and a great darkness descended on the land once more.
8. And George begat James and the people listenethed once more and the scribes were joyous and the great darkness was lifted from the land.
9. But the people listenethed not long to James but turned to the false prophet Ronald and the scribes were greatly saddened and once more a darkness descended on the land.
10. And James begat Walter but once more the people listenethed to the false prophet, Ronald.
11. And Walter begat Michael but the people still listenethed not but instead they listenethed to another false prophet George the Elder. And the scribes were saddened for the darkness remained on the land.
12. And Michael begat William and the people listenethed, and the scribes were joyous and the great darkness was lifted from the land.
13. And William begat Albert but the people listenethed not and turned to the false prophet George, the son of the elder George. The scribes were saddened and a great darkness descended on the land once more.
14. And Albert begat John the New but the people again turned to the false prophet George the Younger and the scribes remained saddened. And the darkness remained on the land.
15. But it was during the darkness of the reign of Dwight that an angel appeared to Ann of Dunham and toldeth her that she had found favor with the Lord and would conceive a child and that he would be anointed a savior for the people from their errors and she would call him Barack.
16. And so it was in the fourth year of the New Times and the dark reign of George the Younger that the savior emerged. And he spaketh to the people and told them of the way for a New Truth.
17. And the multitudes marveled as the words of The New Truth pouredeth from him. "What manner of man is the source of such wondrous messages?", they asked.
18. And though he spaketh of the wonders of the ministrations of The New John, the people persisted and clung to the false idol, George the Younger.
19. And behold, William bespake and pronouncedeth to the assembled multitudes, "Thou shalt take to thine breasts, mine anointed successor, Hillary," but the multitudes listenethed not.
20. And behold Joseph the Biden bespake of yond Barack, he be clean and intelligent and attractive and ye shouldst hearken to his message as ye hearken to mine.
21. And Joseph the Biden said to the assembled, he doth be the one whose sandal I am not fit to tieth. And the clouds formed and parted and a light shoneth down on Barack the Obama and the voice of Franklin said, "Such is my progeny with whom I am well pleased."
22. And the multitudes hearkened to the messages of Biden and Franklin and rejoiced in the wisdom of the new found Anointed.
23. And then Jeremiah the Wrightful told of the damnation awaiting the nation and Barack the Obama said, "Get thee behind me Satan. Thou shouldst not enter my Kingdom though thou spakest in the past and I found thine ruminations not hurtful. Whence cometh thou to these thoughts?"
24. But Jeremiah listenethed not and continued his exhortations and was banished from Barack the Obama’s Garden.
25. And behold, Ted the Driver, pronounced him fit and the world worthy of his presence and the people hearkened and rejoiced in his message.
26. And William, tetrarch of the province of New Mexico, spake verily of the New Truth and he proffered the assembled masses his message but they turned away and to the words of Barack the Anointed.
27. And yea the people clamored for the wisdom from the Anointed and they strew palms and petals in his path. And he doth found favor with the assembled multitudes from whose eyes the scales of ignorance had fallen.
28. And the people and the scribes were joyous for they yearned together for the new light.
29. And so it came to pass in those dark days, that Barack the Obama was ushered by the angels into the sacred halls of a Whitened House and the light of the angels shone round about him. And the angels rejoiced in the people’s wisdom.
30. And all of these things happened in accordance with the scriptures of the Howard of Dean, late the tetrarch of the province of Vermont.
The text of this sacred scroll was discovered in a hospital in Hawaii. The scroll had a wax seal imprinted with an ancient Kenyan message.
"Published originally at EtherZone.com : republication allowed with this notice and hyperlink intact."
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Behold, Barack the Annointed One Commeth
at 7:53 AM