Mr. Quarter Prepares for the End of Days

For those in the know, May 21, 2011 is the date of "The Rapture" prophesied by the Bible as calculated by William Camping who leads an independent Christian ministry on California based Family Radio Worldwide. Thus, it signals the beginning of the End of Days - which is incidentally calculated by Mr. Camping as occurring not later than October 21, 2011. As Mr. Camping sees it, if he is still here on May 22, it only means that he was not "Raptured" into Heaven and not that his calculations are off. That being the case, Mr. Quarter needs to do some planning!

So little time and so much to do. First, better take a few minutes and phone up all the a-holes that have crossed my life's path and let them know my feelings. Not necessary, but certainly satisfying. Actually, that thought brings to mind a quote that I once heard,"The only surprise in my life is that I managed reach this age without killing someone, although I certainly wanted to several times."

Now prioritize. Roughly five months, so only spend my time on the important stuff. Things that are not on the agenda: house cleaning, laundry, wash the car, mow the grass. In my youth, sex would have been high on the priority list - debauchery of some sort. At 53, Mr. Quarter is not as libidinal as in his youth so I have to push that one down the list in favor of other less biological events - although a regular quality romp is not to be discounted. So what are the big ticket items on the list - go fly fishing in Siberia, eat a $500 meal in a Paris Salon, smoke a Cohiba in a Havana night club, hike in Patagonia, see the pyramids in Egypt, visit the Parthenon in Athens, tour every distillery of single malt scotch in Scotland (and sample), stroll the Great Wall of China, visit the Taj Mahal, travel to Kenya and view the last natural herds of great beasts and top-of-the-foodchain predators, swim with a whale.

In the end, assuming that it comes next October, Mr. Quarter wants to sit surrounded by his children and wife. He wants to laugh with them over the kiddie poop stories and cry with them about the things past and things lost. I'll give them all a hug that will carry me into eternity. Heaven or Hell, it matters not because I know the kind of person I am, the rewards I've earned, and the punishment I deserve. Most of all, Mr. Quarter wants to look back on a life well lived and with few regrets.

Just in case, good luck to all of you and I'll see you on the other side.

Post Script: Well its Sunday morning and I am still here as is my wife. One possible conclusion is that we are not among the righteous. Looking out the window this morning at all the lawnmowers going leads me to believe that few if any of my neighbors were among the righteous, either. Perhaps I was not standing where I had a clear shot upward yesterday at the 6:00 PM rapture, so now I'm on standby? I hate it when that happens.

Maybe Mr. Camping's calculations were completely off and there is still some hope? Probably not. I believe that we human beings stand at the intersection of two infinities - between the incredibly small to the unimaginably large. Perhaps a supreme being with the power to create all that really isn't paying much attention to one point along the continuum of the universe.