Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Deuce And Zombies

Twenty year old men go to sleep at night and dream of making sweet love to beautiful women...forty year old men go to sleep at night and dream of slaughtering their enemies. But before going to sleep, more and more boys and men are gunning down zombies with boundless glee!

What is it about killing zombies that so enthralls men of all ages? From movies like Night of the Living Dead, 28 Days Later, I Am Legend and Resident Evil to video games too numerous to name to TV shows like The Walking Dead, killing zombies has never known such halcyon days. Is it mindless slaughter? Is it the primal urge? Is it relief from the pent-up stress of modern living? Is it insanity? Or is it just boys being boys having good clean fun?

It may be all of the above, or none. I'm not sure. But I am sure of this; when the virus gets loose and the zombies are running rampant in their endless search for brains to eat, and modern society has broken down to the basest level of survival, THERE ARE NO MORE RULES.

No more rules. That's the key I think. With every year that goes by, humanity is buried under more and more rules. In America, every session of Congress brings another wave of laws, regulations and restrictions to further control us. Like Gulliver, we are tied down by thousands of thin strands of regulation to the point we can not move without running afoul of one law or another.

But when the zombies are loose, all of those laws go out the window. You arm yourself to the hilt with guns, swords, knives and axes. Enough weapons to make both Schwartzenegger and Stallone green with envy. You're only concern is staying alive. Find food, water and security for the night. During the day, kill anything that moves. Life is, as Hobbes described, "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short." But, and it's a big but, life is also simple.

Simplicity. Grossly under-valued today. Imagine, no more sweating the never ending decline of your 401(k), or wondering if Social Security will still be around when you're old enough to collect, or if qauntitative easing will trigger hyper-inflation and wipe out your savings. No more rush hour, or endlessly unproductive meetings at work that accomplish nothing except rob you of hours of your life. No more days of feeling foolish trying to get your new 72" flat screen connected to your cable receiver, dvr and dvd player. No more hours wasted talking to Indians trying to fix your virus infected computer, or synching your iPod to your iPad to your iPhone to your iScrewthis! No more thousands of dollars wasted converting your albums to cassettes, you cassettes to CDs and your CDs to digital MP3 files. No more forking out thousands to upgrade your PS1 to PS2, your PS2 to PS3 and upgrading all the games to go with them.

Zombie land is so much easier, and it's all under your control. You decide how best to survive the day, not some schmuck in Washington trying to dictate what caliber ammo you can or can't use to waste the brain eaters. No sour puss do-gooders to berate you when you light up a Marlboro after a long day of species cleansing. No bills or endless junk mail in the mail box. No MSNBC or Jersey Shore or minute to minute updates on Lindsey Lohan's struggles to find peace in a cruel, cruel world.

Just peace and quiet, with occasional scattered automatic weapons fire.

No more rules. No more dictats. No more being controlled. No more parasitic weaklings demanding my help to keep them alive and comfortable.

Zombies. God, please, bring them on. It's got to be better than this.

1 comment:

Mr. Quarter said...

Twisted yet lucid. Sureal yet visionary. Extreme, and yet it touches my heart. I like it.