Saturday, October 9, 2010

The Deuce and Spending

Who spends the most money? Who buys the most worthless crap just 'cause they can? Just 'cause they've got more money than they know what to do with? Just 'cause they feel like it and they've got nothing better to do?

It's not Paris Hilton. Ms. Hilton could go on a life time cocaine jag in Vegas and not even come close. She could buy the most expensive Champagne and Courvoisier by the vat to keep her posse properly lubed, spend 36 hours at a stretch at the $100k limit blackjack tables, buy everything in sight at the luxury shops of Gucci and Chanel, and she wouldn't even come close to being the most profligate spender in America. When it comes to spending, Paris might as well be a welfare queen spending her monthly allotment at Wal-Mart. She's a C-list amateur, not even worthy of mention.

It's not Oprah. Oprah could give away 200 cars every show, along with mink coats, luxury cruises and life time spa vacations and she wouldn't come close to being the most wasteful spender in America. She could buy a mansion in every state and decorate them with solid gold bathroom fixtures and works of art by Da Vinci and Michelangelo and those Elephants that paint, with ten Lamborghini's in the hangar-sized garages...all to no avail. A piker, a pretender...a wanna be.

Bill Gates? Warren Buffet? George Soros? PA-LEASE! Their combined net worth is what? Less than $100 billion. That's nothing! Each of them could buy their own country and populate it with nothing but Playboy Bunnies and Penthouse Pets ( Haiti would probably sell for less than $1 billion, at least I wouldn't pay any more than that ). They could build their own Army, Navy and Air Force and outfit them with the most expensive planes and ships money can buy, and still they're no where near the top when it comes to blowing a buck.

So who is it? Who is the biggest buyer of bullshit? Who spends the most on the most worthless, idiotic and unnecessary crap in the history of humanity?

It's us. Americans. More precisely, it's our "elected representatives" in Congress who continue to feed trillions of dollars to water-head bureaucrats who have orgasms every time they spend tax payer money on something completely useless.

Like this.

"The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism paid $918,856 in tax dollars to fund a five-year study of “Alcohol and Bar Violence” that determined, among other things, that bar fights tend to occur in venues that are relatively dark, dirty, noisy, hot, and crowded and that are frequented by a clientele of younger, less agreeable, less conscientious, more impulsive heavy drinkers."

Hell, I could of told them that for half the money they spent. And who knew there was such a thing as The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism? It doesn't seem that Americans are getting their moneys worth out of this outfit. But hey, bureaucrats gotta get their jollies some how.

But we're just getting started. How about this one? $1.39 million down the tube!

"According to the description of the study on the NIH Web site, the research was developed in order to address 'the major global health problem of HIV prevention amongst married male labor migrants in Central Asia and the public health risk for an AIDS epidemic in Tajikistan.”

In the fevered minds of the NIH, AIDS prevention in Tajikistan is the responsibility of Ma and Pa Outofwork in Bankrupt, U.S.A. "Sorry kids, nothin' but corn flakes to eat again tonight. Gotta figure out that AIDS problem in...some damn place I never heard of."

Still more.

"...$325,394 in Mr. Obama's first stimulus plan that went to the University of Florida to determine how the environment affects the mating decision of female cactus-bugs. When we last checked on that project, it had created exactly one research technician's job."

What the hell is a cactus bug, and why is it so important that we know how they decide which bug stud is going to have a big night? For God's sake!

Overseas again for this whopper.

"Kenya gives Obama abortion, Islamic courts.
President's administration spent $23 million getting 'yes' vote on new constitution."

Hey, everybody knows the Kenyans couldn't get abortion and Sharia courts without $23 million in aid from Joe Sixpack and Susie Soccer! I mean, what do they need that money for? They've got unemployment and food stamps and Obamacare. Better Kenya should get the money. After all, Africans can't do anything on their own.

$23 million is chump change. Let's double it.

NEW YORK, Sept 21 (Reuters) - Secretary of State Hillary Clinton will announce on Tuesday a U.S. contribution of more than $50 million toward providing clean cooking stoves in developing countries to reduce deaths from smoke inhalation and fight climate change.

Wha...Wha...WHAT? Developing countries are contributing to climate change? Why that's blasphemous! The honest, hard working indigenous peoples of Cookstovia are innocent of any wrong doing what so ever. It was in the New York Times man! Over and over and over again.

Ah, but I save the best for last.

( – The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), a division of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), spent $823,200 of economic stimulus funds in 2009 on a study by a UCLA research team to teach uncircumcised African men how to wash their genitals after having sex.

GUFFAW! Economic "stimulus". Excuse me while I GUFFAW again. Yet another example of how those poor Africans need our figure out how to scrub their love clubs! GUFFAW! I'm sorry, but it's so pathetically funny.

Such stupendously stupid spending would make Caligula blush in embarrassment.

We are all fools for allowing our elected morons to spend our tax payer dollars like this.

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