The Deuce and America's 12 Step Program

It occurred to me while watching The Glorious Leader's Apology Tour Live!, that he was in a sense making amends to all those nations and peoples who he thought America had harmed since 1776. Making amends to those harmed? That sounds like part of AA's 12 Step program.

So, with sincere apologies to AA and all those who have used their 12 Step program to find sobriety, and to those currently seeking it...I give you TGL's 12 Step Program for America.


1. We admitted we were powerless over capitalism—that our economy had become unfair to the addicted, lazy, criminal and eternally entitled.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could give us social justice and permanent Democratic control of the federal government.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our economy over to the care of God as the Reverend Wright understood Him.

4. Made a searching and transparent moral inventory of our economic system and posted the disgusting results on MySpace, You Tube and Twitter.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to all humanity the exact nature of our countless wrongs committed during Republican administrations.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of capitalism, i.e. private property, free markets, the profit motive, and low taxes.

7. Humbly asked Him to redistribute our wealth to those least deserving and thus elevate our sense of moral superiority and self esteem.

8. Made a list of all nations and peoples we had harmed that were still Third World nations, and became willing to make amends to them unto eternity.

9. Made direct amends in the form of cash payments to such people wherever possible, except for anyone making over $75 Large per anum.

10. Continued to take national inventory and when we were wrong promptly groveled and begged forgiveness.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation ( except when in school or on other public property ) to improve our conscious contact with God, as Reverend Wright understood Him, praying only for His knowledge of socialism and the power to carry it out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to humanity, and to practice these principles in all our economic affairs ( with appropriate exemptions to members of Congress, actors, musicians and environmentalists ).