Sunday, January 9, 2011

The Deuce Ponders Some More

According to the U.S. State Department I am no longer a man. I'm not even male ( man and male not necessarily being synonyms ). I've never been so insulted! The Lizard Queen's minions have determined that I am instead Parent One.

Yes, the word 'father' is no longer adequate or appropriate to describe the biological relationship between me and my children. And that is the point. In the Brave New World, you don't have to contribute any DNA and actually produce offspring to be called father or mother. All you have to do is team up with someone of the same sex, conjure up an infant human being by the most expedient means available to you, be it adoption or surrogacy or turkey baster, then go to the nearest federal courthouse and point to your gay or lesbian partner and say, "That's Parent Two, I'm Parent One! Don't ask any embarrassing questions, just give me the passport you fascist bigot!"

If I'm Parent One, what is the new designation of my children? Does my daughter become 'Biological entity One-A, forced by nature to share 50% of Parent One's DNA, but struggling mightily to free itself of Parent One's patriarchal slavery?'

I can't wait to get a Parent One card on Parent One's Day.

The war between boys and female PC "educators" continues. A 13 year old future patriarchal enslaver was arrested and taken to juvie for brandishing an illegal writing utensil in the classroom of an oppressed victim of blubberism. If you can go to jail for wielding a Sharpie in school, why can't WikiLeak's Julian Assange go to jail for publishing thousands of classified documents injurious to U.S. foreign policy? Use a computer, you're a beacon of free speech helping to punish the evil imperialism of America. Use a Sharpie and you're just a punk.

Speaking of a total lack of judgment, best be careful what you say when you're talking about The Glorious Leader. UFC fighter Jacob Volkmann said after his latest victory that he'd like to fight Barack Obama next. Clearly the comment was rhetorical as The Glorious Leader would never have the balls to step into the Octagon against Ann Coulter much less another man, but that didn't stop some oppressed security mom from reporting the comment to big brother necessitating action on the part of the Secret Service.

Volkman said, “The thing is, I got home and I checked my e-mail and I had about 20 e-mails and one of them, one of ladies had actually contacted the FBI and the Secret Service, and she was telling me that she was going to do it.”

I wonder if it was the Sharpie teacher who dropped the dime?

But hey! The weaker sex just keeps on rollin'. Did you know that just one whiff of cigarette smoke mutates your DNA and dooms you to a slow, agonizing death by cancer...or conversely a sudden agonizing death by heart attack? Well, Surgeon General Regina Benjamin knows it and she wants all of us to rush to our local grief counselors to stave off our likely suicides before heading to Walgreen's and getting our Prozac prescription renewed for life.

Professor Michael Siegel of Boston University's School of Public Health, who is not linked to the industry ( tobacco ) said;

"It is simply untrue to assert that brief exposure to secondhand smoke can cause such results," he said. "If there is no safe level of exposure to any carcinogen, that would include exposure to automobile exhaust, the sun's rays, benzene, radon in homes, arsenic in drinking water and many other everyday items."

Clearly smoking is the number one health hazard on the planet for everyone and all smokers should just be shot on sight. The claims the Surgeon General makes are not even attributed to Plutonium, the most toxic substance on Earth.

All four of these stories have women at the center of them. There are many similar stories every day in the popular press, and God knows how many instances of similar events that go unreported. Just for a fleeting moment I get the idea that the 19th Amendment was not such a hot idea.

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