The Deuce Is Too Aware

I'm exhausted, and my health is failing because of it.

I can't go a day without some do-gooder demanding my attention so they can raise my awareness about the cause they care so much about. I just have to care as much as they do, and if I don't well then I'm just scum and don't deserve to live.

I'm barraged by nagging women (why is it always women?) to help (give money) cure breast cancer; prevent eating disorders; rescue unwanted doggies and kittys; help feed those poor Filipino kids living in that giant garbage dump; shut down puppy mills; stop climate change (by having a lifestyle of a Medieval peasant who happens to drive a Chevy Volt); adopt a member of the GLBT community; support Planned Parenthood and finance some chick's birth control/abortion; help stop discrimination against Muslims, just convert or die.

My awareness has reached it's maximum possible elevation. Any higher and the air is so thin I can't breathe. I've reached into my pocket so many times I've got repetitive injury syndrome (please help me by sending some cash). I can't sleep because of the anxiety of knowing the world is getting shittier by the minute and tomorrow will be worse than today was and everyone but me is slowly dying in squalor and filth...and it's my fault because I'm not aware enough.

Well, no more.

As of today, right now, I officially don't care. Why? I don't owe you an explanation but I'll tell you anyway. It's because I can't do anything about your cause. All my time, my energy and my wealth goes to my cause...making sure myself and my loved ones don't become one of your causes. I'm taking care of me and mine, and if you do the same, whoever you are and wherever you are, then you won't need any one's help to live your life, and you won't need these incessant armies of beggars screeching at me 24/7 to raise my awareness enough to give a shit about you.

Now that I've confessed my sin and you are feeling all warm and fuzzy because you do care and now you know for sure that you're a better human being than I am, let me fill you in on something. First, I don't care.

Think what you want, say what you want, care about whatever makes you feel guilty, just stop bothering me with it.

Secondly, it's really easy to say you care and and cry your crocodile tears for every poor schmuck and schmuckette who has a hand out, but I know your dirty little secret...you don't really care anymore more than I do. Oh, you'll pretend to care whenever anyone is watching, and say all the right things that you think will make you sound like a caring and compassionate person, a citizen of the world and worthy of everyone's respect. If you can afford it you may even give money and attend charitable events, but you don't do it because you really care. You do it because you want to be loved, appreciated and thought of as noble...better than the other members of your country club, to be showered with honors, acclaim and mention on the society page. It's called competitive altruism. You care more and so obviously are more worthy of, well, everything.

Knock yourself out. I still don't care.

I feel better already...and worse. There's always a price to pay I guess.